Tonight the first

This is about the truth I suppose. Why to write to get it off your chest? And if those who are not suppose to see see well than so be it I don't care anymore.  That is what this is about really not caring anymore.  When your life slips into the grey area where your not sure if your suppose to be there anymore.  maybe it like discovering that your not who you thought you were from the get go.  I thought my life was set when I become the person I was suppose to be and then I relized that the person I was suppose to be was the one I left behind.  She was the one I ran from when I left home.  The one I had to change and become something more, like a butterfly in her cacoon.  But when she emerged, she had changed into someone I no longer wanted to be or maybe one I thought I wanted to be, but I was so wrong.  Now whatm you feel stuck pressed into the life that you now lead with nowhere to go.  Life is about what you make it and now I have turned into a three ring circus that involves not omly me but the man I married and the children who deserve so much more out of life than what I am capable. 
     Life is harder and then it gets harder and you end up reliveing your life from the oter angle from the parents angle and that really sucks too.  Because we spen so much time when we are younger trying to be older and then when we are older we try so hard to be younger.  I want to grow old gracefully but life is kicking my ass and I'm really tires of trying to hard to get wahat mine.
     I have worked hard to get what I have and I don't really want someone jacking it up and trust has become a real issue in life.  I only trust my best frien and my cat that is not saying much.
     It is late and I have to sleep,
PEACE be with you and walk by faith.
L